Today is a fat day.
I don't know really what happened, but I just miss being skinny. I don't think I was that skinny before, but I'm really not now. I don't know what it is about wanting people to look at me and know I'm anorexic. It's just been kind of a hard day today.
There have been times the last few days when I really want to go back, but it's like something inside of me is telling me no. That voice is God's... He is holding me. When Twister is telling me I can go back with him, I hear God telling me no. That all of that is a lie, that Twisters comfort will only last a little while. While His will last a lifetime. Which one am I listening to? Most of the time God's. But there have been times when I listen to Twister even when I know I shouldn't. When I take his hand and follow where he wants me to go, even at times when I don't want to.
Today is clinic day. I haven't been in 3 weeks and I'm a little nervous. I just really hope I don't have to stop working out. As much as I don't want to gain weight, I want to keep working out. I really don't know how today is going to go though... we'll see.
hey girl! God wants you to be healthy!! He doesn't want you being put in the hospital b/c you are anorexic! He needs you to be strong and healthy so you can go out and talk about him and be a witness to people! :) Hope today goes great!
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