Bones

As a product of Twister and my anorexia, I have developed this weird sense of satisfaction when I can easily see and feel my bones. My spine, ribs, shoulder blades, hip bones.....whenever I can see them without having to suck in or move a certain way I receive satisfaction. I'm getting to the point again to where it's not that easy anymore. I can't easily see or feel my ribs as much as before, and my hip bones aren't sticking out quite as much. This is something very hard for me. Although I'm ready to start working out and building my muscle back, there is still another part in me that really wants my bones. I guess that's mostly Twister.....

Yesterday was good, and so far today has been too. I'm still having to surrender to God at every meal, but He's getting me through it. I have way better things to do in this world than worry about food and my body.

Mama found this quote today and shared it with me, it really relates to me and my eating disorder:
"You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do."- Elanor Roosevelt
I have to face Twister every single day. I have to look him in the face and decide whether I am going to fight him today, or let him slowly tear me down and kill me. It's hard, and it's scary, but I will get through it.

Daily Verse:
"Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalms 37:5....No matter how old you are, we all have decisions and choices to make that shape our lives and mold us into the person God wants us to be. Some are very hard and very important decisions...when we commit it fully to God and totally let Him have it and listen to what He wants us to do, He will work everything out. In His time, in the way He wants it to be. Give it to Him, sit back, and listen. He will bring it to pass.