Closer

I don't really know how to explain it, but these last few days I've felt so much closer to God. I'm digging into His word even more, I'm praying longer, I'm praying more throughout the day. It's just been amazing!

Yesterday I worked, and then went to Thirty.One, which was great!!! I'm so thankful for each and every girl there. They mean so much to me. I'm so glad God is blessing me with so many more friends. One's that I know are there for me and are supporting me through my recovery.
One of the girls, Katey said something that really got to me. She was talking about how she realized there are so many people who think about suicide. Who think about taking their own life. But she was talking about how it's not our life to take. As Christians, our lives belong to God. When we are saved, we die to our sins so that we can live for Him. Jesus died for us so we wouldn't have to have eternal death. I know when I was really depressed, I can remember (and this was just about a month ago. During my relapse) going to sleep and hoping I wouldn't have to get up and have to face the struggle of eating. There have been times when I really didn't care if I lived or died. I just wanted to quit suffering. I knew in Heaven there's no suffering, so I just wondered why God just didn't take me home. But when Katey was talking about this the one thing that stuck with me was when she said that it's not our life to take. This isn't my body to destroy. My body and my life belong to God....this really hit home.

Today has actually been a little bit harder. I'm struggling today. It's one of those days when I feel like I wasn't "bad" enough. Twister doesn't think that my eating disorder got "bad" enough. Although I have felt closer to God lately, I'm having a hard day. But I know I'm going to have those. My recovery isn't going to be perfect. I'm still going to slip & fall.

God has shown me so many verses lately!!!!! Here is my one I sent today:
"How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter?" Jeremiah 31:22....Even as Christians we can wander away. I know I have. We can get so lost in our pain, struggles and problems that we turn from God and wander away. I've been wandering for a while. I was searching for God and all He has to offer in Twister...in my inner hunger. But how long does it take us to wander around alone? How long will we run from God before we realize He's the only true source of love and comfort?

I found this one last night. I had marked it a while ago, but I just realized how much it really relates to Twister.

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,

for he has been good to me.