I went to the clinic Tuesday and I have made a big step in my recovery.
I am now released to start doing cardio. I started jogging yesterday and I am sooo sore!!! I had very mixed emotions about this. I am EXTREMELY excited about jogging, but then I feel like so much of Twister is fading away. And I know this sounds weird, but I don't know how much I want him gone. It's something I have held onto for so long that it's hard to accept that it's all starting to be taken away. Part of me feels freedom coming, I feel triumph on it's way...but then the other part feels fear. Fear of changing. Fear of letting go of something I have held SO tightly to for the past few years. Fear of the unknown. It's like God is taking me back through those days and back down the road I have traveled with exercising and enjoying my life, I know He is bringing me to where I belong. But, it's like I feel Twister so strongly pulling me back to the old road. God wants me to do it different this time, but Twister is trying to keep me in my comfort zone.
The verse I sent today really relates to my situation right now.... "I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14---I feel as if God is taking away everything I have held onto for such a long time. He is striping away everything that I think fills me and satisfies my need for perfection, acceptance, attention, and self-worth. I don't always understand it. I feel dry...I feel like everything in my life is leaving me. But maybe, God is taking me to the desert so He can clearly speak to me. Put me in a place where I have nothing just so I can realize how much I need Him. So that He is the only One I see. I can truly listen to His tender, comforting words and soak them in. All my attention can be on Him. Maybe He is taking away everything that runs me dry so I'll know He is the only One who NEVER runs dry. When I'm in the desert, I have to remember that it isn't because God forgot about it. He just loves me that much that He will do anything to reach me.
I am now released to start doing cardio. I started jogging yesterday and I am sooo sore!!! I had very mixed emotions about this. I am EXTREMELY excited about jogging, but then I feel like so much of Twister is fading away. And I know this sounds weird, but I don't know how much I want him gone. It's something I have held onto for so long that it's hard to accept that it's all starting to be taken away. Part of me feels freedom coming, I feel triumph on it's way...but then the other part feels fear. Fear of changing. Fear of letting go of something I have held SO tightly to for the past few years. Fear of the unknown. It's like God is taking me back through those days and back down the road I have traveled with exercising and enjoying my life, I know He is bringing me to where I belong. But, it's like I feel Twister so strongly pulling me back to the old road. God wants me to do it different this time, but Twister is trying to keep me in my comfort zone.
The verse I sent today really relates to my situation right now.... "I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14---I feel as if God is taking away everything I have held onto for such a long time. He is striping away everything that I think fills me and satisfies my need for perfection, acceptance, attention, and self-worth. I don't always understand it. I feel dry...I feel like everything in my life is leaving me. But maybe, God is taking me to the desert so He can clearly speak to me. Put me in a place where I have nothing just so I can realize how much I need Him. So that He is the only One I see. I can truly listen to His tender, comforting words and soak them in. All my attention can be on Him. Maybe He is taking away everything that runs me dry so I'll know He is the only One who NEVER runs dry. When I'm in the desert, I have to remember that it isn't because God forgot about it. He just loves me that much that He will do anything to reach me.
I'm so excited for you Kaitlyn! Remember that God doesn't give the spirit of Fear; but of Love, Hope and Sound Mind! He can give you an unbelievable peace! You are making it through this and you are so much stronger! Keep it up and I'm so proud! :)
ReplyDeleteYes God does love you and He does not give you a spirit of fea.r....that comes from Satan. Stay strong... satan will continue to try to win you over but God is bigger than him and has a plan for your life. congratulations on the good news!!!! Love you!!!!!
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