Up and Down, landed the same.

Once again, I'm not doing good with updating my blog :/
My bad!!!!!!

I've had my ups and downs these last few weeks. Jogging is going GREAT! And so far I haven't taken it overboard. Twister (& Satan) are still whispering in my ear that I'm moving too fast. That I'm getting way too fat, way too normal. People don't look at me and see "ANOREXIC" anymore. But then I gotta ask myself, the real me, is that what I want people to see when they look at me. Do I want them to see someone who is so caught up in her body and the way she looks. Someone who cares more about her outward appearance than whats inside. Someone who has taken a healthy lifestyle and has turned it into her idol. Someone who destroys her body, the temple of her Savior, just to try and control the situations spinning out of control in her life. Or, do I want them to see a strong, goal-driven, woman of God. Someone who knows her worth isn't in the way she looks, what size clothes she wears or what number comes up on the scale. Someone who turns to God when life gets hard and worships Him when the storms start rolling. A girl who admits her weaknesses but embraces them in the grace and strength that comes deep from within from the nail-pierced Hands of the One who died for her. A girl who goes and tells the world about her Savior and how He has turned the darkest time of her life into the brightest and most inspiring time she has ever been through. Someone who is weak, but finds strength in her weakness. Someone who falls, but gets back up. Someone who doesn't give up when she is thrown into an unknown place. A girl that you can see Jesus walking beside.

I honestly don't know where all that came from. I just started typing and God was pouring through me. I've had a rough few weeks. Had some boy problems and a lot of tears. It's been so hard not to turn to Twister, but I'm trying my best to change that number one emergency call to the Savior and King of my life. It's been hard and I haven't pushed through every single day. I've felt far away from God and at times seriously wondered where He is. I've still got some of those feelings. But I've been reading "Peaks and Valleys" by T.D. Jakes, and I've come to realize that He's just on my left side right now. And the fact that I'm searching for Him and realize something is missing shows worship to Him, and it shows me that I know I can't get through this life on my own.

I'm on every two weeks at the clinic and I go back to Dr. Vance this Thursday. They kept everything with my meal plan the same as well as my exercise. So, right now I'm basically at the same spot. Still struggling with measuring my meals. Bonnie isn't too happy with that...so thats the thing she is pushing me toward right now. We'll see how it goes.