"For where you have envy and selfish ambitions there you will find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:16...This one really spoke to me today. I started struggling last night and haven't had the best day today. I was feeling really confused this morning and just felt like my mind was going in a million different directions. So, I found this verse on confusion. When we seek anything other than God and His plan for our lives, all we get is disorder and confusion in our lives and minds. But God is a God of peace, not of disorder or confusion. If only we seek Him and allow Him to put us back together instead of us trying to do it ourselves. When I seek Twister and what he wants me to do all I receive is disorder, not only my eating disorder, but disorder all throughout my life and my family's life. Eventually it turns into evil, I start lying, cheating, disobeying God and breaking promises to Him. Like I said, God is a God of peace. I know He can't use me when I'm in disorder like I am now. When I'm broken and my life and mind are in confusion. I know deep down inside that once I let Him put me back together and in order, He can do big things with me. But for some reason I don't always let Him.
I feel very torn today. I want to hold tight to God's hand but then I'm being pulled by Twister and I just feel like I'm about to be ripped apart. It's hard and I'm just really confused.
Scarred is tonight. So I'm excited about that.... I'm about to go start getting ready. We moved the time up so I have to be at the church earlier. Hope everybody is having a good Friday, better than mine at least!
Something that I have really had to do in the past A LOT and I still do it when I am feeling myself slipping....is to continually ask God to take all my negative thoughts captive. This may sound simplistic but it works when you do it and mean it. When I didn't feel like praying, I would just say this over and over. It only takes saying it one time but you are a lot like me :) Obsessive compulsive and like to be in control of things!! I want to make sure the He can hear me...hee hee.
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn I have no idea what you are going through but I do know what it feels like to have pain and suffering in your heart. I have been and still sometimes controlled by worry and anxiety. It takes time...God allows us to go through things to create something beautiful in us.
Keep fighting...He has a plan for you!!!
I love you!!!!