MOViNG ON

Last week was clinic week. Everything went fine...still going about the same. Nothing new, good or bad. The only thing was I had to get some blood work done because they are thinking I am either anemic or my iron is low because I have been very tired lately. It's strange, but I'm actually used to getting poked! haha So it didn't really bother me.

Still, they are waiting on me to stop measuring and for my menstrual cycles to regulate. Having irregular menstrual cycles is a warning sign for an eating disorder. Because of the very low BMI, the body cannot menstruate. I lost mine for about 2 years and have been adjusting to having it again.

The measuring thing is just something Twister has me trapped in. In the beginning, measuring was something helpful when I first started eating regularly again because it made sure I was getting the amount I needed. Now, it's just something Twister has found for me to hold onto. A part of my ED that he has trapped me in. It's just something I feel I HAVE to do. I feel in "control" when I measure my food. No, it's NOT about the food...it's about the CONTROL. Anyone struggling with an ED will tell you that.

Next week I go to Dr. Muran (my psychiatrist). My mom and I are going to talk to her about upping my medicine to a higher dose. I am also going to talk to her about running marathons and see what she thinks about that. I go to see her on Tuesday and then Dr. Vance (my psychologist) on Friday. I am ALWAYS going to doctors!!! haha! At least it isn't as bad as a year and a half ago.

The main title for this post was how I feel about my ED right now. I feel as if I am moving on. I feel as if I have found more to life. I have found my true meaning...which is NOT to be anorexic, but to be a willing servant to my Almighty King. I was made by Him, for Him. He is my strength and my hope forever. I've found joy in the Lord, my Savior. I still stumble and fall, but it gives me a chance to learn from how I fell and allow m gracious Redeemer to pick me up again. Life is so much better...I smile so much brighter...I love so much deeper...and I hide no more behind a skeleton, now that I am MOViNG ON.

I am excited to tell you all that I will be speaking to a group at Childersburg High School called Grace Girls. An amazing lady that attends my church is over it, she is the english teacher there, and she asked me to come and speak about my experience with eating disorders. God has shown me that I can by NO means prevent eating disorders. It's not possible. That it can happen to anyone. But what I can do is raise awareness of this life and death struggle that is so often hidden. As well as share my story to shed some light on the dangers, effects, and healing from Jesus Christ that comes along with this deadly disease we call EATING DISORDERS.